Category Archives: seriously? did you just post this on the internets?

Last Will and Testament, Verbatim, I Shit You Not.

If you have any further instructions regarding your final resting place, or how your funeral is to be conducted, please list them in the space below. 

If science has advanced to the degree that my body can be cryogenically frozen, please resist the urge.

Preferably spread my ashes (as soon as possible) somewhere nice. By a tree, perhaps. Under no circumstances should my ashes be turned into an ornament of any kind. Please do not hold my ashes for a prolonged period of time in anything pear-shaped, or resembling a lamp. At my memorial service, if at all possible, interject humor and as many uncomfortable silences as time will allow. I seriously hope no one talks about god during the service. If anyone would like to say a few words, please feel free.

By the way, I would like the memorial service to be outdoors if weather permits, and not at any religious institution.

Please do not fire any guns into the air.

Weeping is permitted, dare I say, encouraged.